The Maraudering Tales
by Fixation33
Summary: This series will contain one-shots applying to the Marauders with some Lily and possible OCs. Prompted from my Reading the Books series, these one-shots will make you laugh. Canon, and Marauder's era. No slash. Rated M just in case.
1. The Not So Secret Save

****

This part is just for you to understand what is going to happen :)

So, for those who read my Reading the Books series, yes, this story was prompted by the random stories that the Marauders mention.

At the beginning of each chapter, I will say what Harry Potter book and chapter the original text is from, and the story that I wrote within my original series. This is just a bunch of one-shots that comply to those stories, so I hope you enjoy!

_Fixation33 / Haley_

* * *

_[Bolded text __succeeding_ this line is from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter: Boggart in the Wardrobe.]

"**I wonder why Professor Lupin's frightened of crystal balls?" said Lavender thoughtfully.**

"Crystal balls?" Sirius snorted.

"I could understand why he'd be frightened of crystal balls," James said, "remember how Tryust almost let his secret out while using the crystal balls?"

"I think it's safe to say that it actually isn't, Prongs," Remus said laughing. "I'm quite certain it's the moon."

"I know _that! _I'm not that stupid!" James said. "I'm just giving a legible reason for them to believe."

"Except they can't hear you," Lily laughed.

"Ugh–! I give up. My friends are all against me."

"You know we love you Prongs."

"Shut up Padfoot."

* * *

_Hogwarts Castle, Corridor on the Seventh Floor, 12:47p.m.; 12 December 1976_

"Come _on!_ We could always turn around right now," Sirius whined.

"And do what, Padfoot?"

"Anything! The Room of Requirement is about a minute away from where we are currently standing!"

"Well, technically we're sitting down," Remus said, smirking, looking at Sirius out of the corner of his eyes. The four Marauders were currently stalling for time until they had to make their way to the North Tower for their Divination class to begin.

"Shut up, Moony, you knew what I meant. But that's _not_ the bloody point!"

"No, the point is that you're just too lazy to go to class," James commented, absently catching the ball that Peter through to him. Throwing the ball back, he said, "I don't know why you're complaining anyways, it's not like we do tonnes of work in Divination."

"She gives us enough homework, though," Peter said, scowling. Spinning the ball in his hands, he added, "I agree with Sirius. No one would find us in the Room of Requirement, so let's just ditch."

"I don't feel like skipping toda—"

"Jimmy, you haven't felt like skipping this whole year!"

"Do _not_ call me Jimmy!" he chastised, scowling. "And yes I have felt like skipping."

"Okay, _Prongles_," Sirius said, smirking, and skilfully dodging James' fist. "And _no _you haven't, not since you've decided to be a good boy because Evans is actually being civil to you," he added, clapping his hands towards Peter, signalling he wanted the ball.

"I think Prongs is being smart... toning down a bit," Remus said lying down on the floor. "Lily is being decently nice, and it's definitely an amazing improvement."

"Yeah, it's nice not having to be near them during their massive fights... and not having to deal with a depressed James afterward," Peter added with a wheezy giggle.

"Very true, Wormy," Sirius smirked. "But seriously, do you actually want to go to Divvy?"

"No," Remus said, while James said, "Yeah."

"Awh, come on, Moony! Why don't you wanna' go?"

"I just have a bad feeling, like I normally do when I go into Tryust's classes."

"_Please_ come with me, you guys! I want to make a good impression on Lily, but it would kill me to go to Divination alone!"

"Well," Sirius said loftily, drawing out the word. "I'll come with you, on one condition."

"What's that?" he questioned, expecting the worst.

"You need to help with our upcoming prank," Sirius said. "_More_ then you are currently!" he added hastily, as James was about to speak.

After a short pause, James sighed and said in mock sorrow, "Yeah, that's fine... I was actually planning on helping more, anyways, but now I have something out of it!"

"You suck, you know that right?"

"Actually, I'm not a homosexual, but that's alright."

"You _know_ what I meant."

"Yeah, but how you worded it, Padfoot... well, you should know by now that you can't say anything dirty around us, just like we know not to around you," Remus said, chuckling. "Anyways, I think we should start walking to class now."

"Oh, so now you want to go?"

"Well, Jimmy —" Remus dodged James' oncoming attack "— sounded kind of desperate, and I always have a bad feeling about going into her class, so this isn't much of a difference than any other time," he said, shrugging while pushing himself off the floor, watching his friends do the same.

... ... ... ... ... ...

As the four of them climbed up the stairs and walked into the classroom, Sirius shot a reproachful glance across the room and muttered, "I can't believe you guys forced me into taking this at N.E.W.T. level."

"We didn't force, we just... prodded."

"Yeah, prodded a whole hell of a lot," Sirius said, grimacing, as he sank into one of the chairs around a circular table. The rest of the class, six Hufflepuffs and one Slytherin, were finally seated and Professor Tryust did not waste any time to delve into their lesson.

"– which is one of the main reasons the Inner Eye occasionally needs to be cleared –" Sirius heard, his head lulling forward, almost asleep. "– crystal balls, though Muggle 'fortune tellers' use them, they cannot fully grasp their Inner Eye. However, it has been proven that a decent percentage of them have some magical blood in them –"

"This is killing me," Sirius whispered.

"If it were killing you, I would hope you were writhing around on the ground," Remus said quietly, his eyes twinkling.

"Awh, you're so sweet, Moony!"

"He has consumed enough chocolate to be sweet, yeah," Peter said in the same volume.

"That is very true, Wormy," James said.

"Remind me again why I'm here?" Sirius whispered, reverting back to his original thought as Tryust was now explaining specific details within the different omens.

"Because you're a good friend," James said quietly, smirking.

"If he was a good friend, he would _not_ be interrupting this class," Tryust said hotly, interrupting the Marauders' whispered conversation. "Now, I would like everyone to take a crystal ball from the side, and bring it back to your table," she said, back in her normal, airy voice.

"_Yay_," Siriuis mumbled, getting up with everyone else. Once everyone was seated again with their textbook, _The Mysteries of Divination _by Karven Knowing, off their table and their other textbook, _Travelling into the Future, Grade Six_ by Gemlio Omes, was open in front of them, Sirius heaved a large sigh.

"I have no idea why I'm here still," Sirius said. "I always make things up."

"Yeah, so do I, but that's why it's so easy."

"And here I thought you signed up for N.E.W.T. level Divination because you enjoyed it," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "But since you are difficult, and forced us into this class with you, I'm actually going to attempt to do this correctly."

"So, does that mean you're actually going to try and look for a—" Peter started, glancing at his textbook for the correct word. "A, er– Trigonal Omen? or perhaps an Acerbus Omen?"

"What the bloody hell is an Acerbus Omen?"

"Acerbus means dark, in latin, so I'm assuming it means a dark omen," Remus said, shrugging. "And yeah, I'm going to try... I might as well."

"Well, what do you see, mate?" James questioned, smirking at Remus' face that was reflected in the crystal ball, thoroughly skewed.

"Give me a second," he muttered, frowning and squinting into the ball, just as Tryust appeared beside him.

"Can any of you see a certain omen?" she asked, gazing at them from over her spectacles.

"I can... kind of," Remus muttered, gazing intently, tilting his head as if it would make it clearer.

"Go on, go on! What do you see, Mr. Lupin?"

"I have no bloody idea," he said, frowning, not even noticing he swore in front of a teacher– though it looked like she didn't mind as she stooped down to gaze into the other side of the crystal ball.

"Yes, yes, I see a body, I believe," she muttered absently. "Yes, and I see the curved outline, distinguishing the mark of a Trigonal omen."

"I'm sure she does," Sirius muttered, smirking at James.

"Yes, and I see... I see..." she said, but trailed off with large eyes. "Not only is this omen Trigonal, but it is also Acerbus!" she exclaimed, drawing the attention of most of the class.

"Professor, does that mean there are _three_ dark portions to that prediction?" one Hufflepuff student asked, horrified.

"Yes, I believe it does, Ms. Emal," Tryust said, mystified. "Yes, I recognize this omen... you, Mr. Black, flip to page two hundred and five!"

Raising his eyebrow sceptically, he slowly turned his pages, finally coming to the correct one.

"Read it out loud, child."

"Er, okay?" Sirius muttered. Reading the text in a clear voice, he read, "_Aegresco Egresco; Latin to English, translation: to fall ill, become troubled, grow worse. An omen that contains the body of a man, crouched in the foetal position, with arms directly covering the face. Differentiating between_ Aegresco _(see page. 207), Aegresco Egresco takes the slight tinge of a deep grey with dull green accents where _Aegresco_ is completely grey. This omen has an outline with four grooves on each side, distinguishing it as a Trigonal omen. Due to the nature, this is also an Acerbus omen, putting the being predicting this in danger._

"Do I have to continue?" Sirius asked, pressing his lips together, knowing full well the full moon was only days away.

"No, no, I think the class understands now," Professor Tryust said, standing up straight. "Now, Mr. Lupin, I suggest you take extra precautions preceding and on the day of the fifteenth, as the moo— Mr. Potter! Get down here now! Mr. Black and Pettigrew, what in the blazes do you think you're doing?"

Remus looked away from his Professor and caught sight of James' legs before they promptly vanished behind the curtain at the back of the classroom. He also saw, or rather heard, both Sirius and Peter running maniacally around the room and promptly following James. Despite his burning face as Tryust almost blew his secret in front of the Divination class, he started to laugh as the three other Marauders ran out of the back with assorted scarves that belonged to their Professor. Much to the rest of the class' amusement and to Tryust's anger, Remus joined the others, took a scarf that was offered by Sirius, wrapped it around his head as the others had, and marched out of the room.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Well, that could have been worse," Remus said, scrubbing a wall in the Entrance Hall.

"Yeah, it could've been," James muttered, still fuming over their Divination lesson earlier in the day.

"Bloody teacher, I knew we shouldn't've went!"

"Yeah, and didn't I say I had a bad feeling about that class today?"

"You said that you normally have that bad feeling though, Moony," Peter said as he was on his hands and knees, scrubbing the ground.

"You would think that Professor McGonagall wouldn't've given us such a public detention," James said, scowling as a few Slytherin seventh year sauntered by, laughing.

"Well, we did traipse along the corridors wearing out Professor's scarves that we took out of her room," Remus said, grimacing, though his voice held amusement.

"Well, technically _we_ took them, you just joined in," Peter said, snickering.

"Yeah, true... and I have to say, thanks guys."

"You've said it many times, Moony," James said, laughing. "And, once again, it was no problem."

Just as he said that, Lily Evans, along with Victoria Clysdale, Kayleen Belen, and Alice Velan walked out of the Great Hall, and stopped dead.

"We heard about your events this afternoon," Victoria said, smirking.

"Yes, it figures you'd do something like that," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, you guys. I _really_ would rather be in the common room right now."

"Yes, ma'am!" Kayleen said, smirking at Alice. "Bye, guys! By the way James," she said, walking backwards, "Lily wasn't too impressed!"

"Figures," James muttered, watching Lily furiously pull Kayleen up the stairs. "That's just bloody great!"

"Well, we all know who to blame this on," Sirius said, his eyes trained on Kayleen walking away.

"Me, I know."

"Not you, you dimwit! Honestly, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, taking his eyes off of Kayleen's retreating back to throw his wet sponge at Remus' head. "No, it was Professor Try-stupid."

"Professor Try-stupid?" James asked, smirking, tossing the sponge back to Sirius. "That was brilliant."

"Shut-up! _Anyways_, I think we should put our gelatin prank on hold."

"What!" James exclaimed. "Why the hell would we do that? I finally said I'd help more, and there you go, postponing it!"

"We won't postpone it for a long time," he said, leaning against the wall. "I just have a better idea!"

"Oh, and what does that entail?" Remus questioned, squeezing his dirty sponge out into a bucket.

"Three words... Tryust, crystal balls, Astronomy tower."

"That's five words, buddy," Peter said, sitting on the ground, abandoning his cleaning.

"_Okay_, if you want to get all technical, three phrases. Are you happy?"

"Yes."

"Alright then, I have three _phrases_," Sirius said, putting emphasis on the last word. "What do you guys think?"

"I think we should talk about it later, you know, in our dormitory... in _private_," Remus said, glancing at some Slytherins exiting the Great Hall.

"Good idea, both of you," James said, his eyes lighting up with mischief. "I think I have the perfect execution plan, too!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Prongs, I can't believe you dropped a crystal ball that landed on Evans' foot."

"Shut up, Padfoot."

_[Author's Note]_

_Hey, did you guys like it? :) I enjoyed writing it, even though it took me a few hours. I can't wait to continue with this, and I think it'll be pretty cool. And, don't worry for you RtB followers. I'll still be posting to that as well! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this series, and __**REVIEW PLEASE! :)**_

_By the way, all that Divination stuff was complete bull... but I had actually looked up Latin words, and those are real... aha._


	2. Western Style

_[Bolded text __succeeding_ this line is from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.]

**Lupin sighed, and looked directly at Harry. "I told you, months ago, that the Whomping Willow was planted the year I came to Hogwarts. The truth is that it was planted because I came to Hogwarts. This house" — Lupin looked miserably around the room, — "the tunnel that leads to it — they were built for my use. Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle,**

"You were smuggled out _once_," James said, interrupting once again.

"Technically, I was smuggled out all the time, but I was smuggled out of the castle like a prisoner once."

"But it was pretty fun," Sirius said.

"You weren't blind-folded and had a wand pointed at your chest with creepy voices telling you to shut up!"

"Alright, _fine_! It was fun for me and James."

"James and _I_."

"I thought you just said it wasn't fun for you, and it was definitely fun for me!"

"Sirius, I meant... you know what, never mind."

"You're so confusing sometimes, you know that?"

"Ugh, you really need to shut up... I'm sorry for even bringing it up."

"I accept your apology."

"Sirius, just— ugh, you know what... can it."

"Can it...? Does that mean, like, _jam_ it? 'Cause then I'd need some tunes," Sirius said laughing. "Am I getting on your nerves, Moonsickle?"

"You have surpassed that, Ticklebear."

"Do _not_ call me Ticklebear!"

"Ticklebear?" Severus questioned, smirking. "Though, I don't know if that is worse than the infamous 'Siritoots.'"

"Oh, bloody hell," James said between breaths of laughter, his whole body shaking with mirth.

"Alright! New subject... such as the continuing of the reading."

"The continuing of the reading?" Lily asked, laughing at Sirius' embarrassment. "_Really?"_

"Shut it, you guys, can we get back to the book? I really want to know what happens... you guys can continue laughing after if you must."

"Alright, _fine. _Only because I agree with Ticklebear," Remus said, dodging Sirius' fist.

* * *

_Gryffindor Tower, Fifth Year Boy's Dormitory, 10:30a.m.; 26 April 1976_

"That git still isn't awake!" Sirius exclaimed in a whisper as three of the Marauders walked into their dormitory, back from their quest to the kitchens. "When I'm still asleep this late, you three make it a priority to piss me off and wake me up, but when it's _him_, he gets to sleep in!"

"That's because you aren't about to transform into a werewolf tonight, you wanker," James said reproachfully, louder then he meant.

"But he's being a bitch lately."

"You're the closest thing we have to a female dog in heat, Padfoot," Peter said, smirking.

"Shut up, I'm an extravagant male dog, thank you very much."

"Mhm, and you're also supposed to be man's best friend, so shut up about Moony."

"James, you said _man's_ best friend, not _wereman's_," Sirius said, winking to show he was joking. "No, but seriously. That twat needs to be less of a grouch and start joking with us— actually, better yet, maybe he needs some twat!" Sirius exclaimed happily, as if the idea was just bloody brilliant. Seeing James' and Peter's raised eyebrows, he continued with his original comment and finished with, "He's starting to put a downer on my mood."

"He does kind of need to lighten up a bit," Peter said frowning, glancing over to the unmoving body lying in bed.

"You know what, boys," James said, smirking. "A light bulb just flashed above my head!"

"You know what a light bulb is?" Peter asked, smirking. "Never would've guessed."

"I _am_ in Muggle Studies in case you forgot."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you actually paid attention!"

"I do, only 'cause someday Evans will see how truly great I am, then I can be all intelligent with Muggle things, and then she'll bear my children."

"Bear your children?" Sirius questioned, humour clearly written across his face. "Yeah, mate, that'll happen, I'm sure."

"You never know, maybe if she could actually stand to be in the same place as you, it could be possible," Peter said, snickering.

"Thanks for the confidence guys."

"No problem!" Sirius exclaimed. "But seriously, what was this light bulb?"

James looked stealthy around the room, eyes landing on Remus, still curled up and passed out. "With my luck, he'd wake up while I was telling you guys, so, to be safe... _Silencio_."

"Alright, good idea, mate," Sirius commented. "But, what's your actual plan?"

"What if we stole Remus?"

There was a few seconds of silence where both Sirius and Peter stared at James' grinning face, looked at each other disbelievingly, and turned their gaze back to James. Despite not getting the reaction he was hoping for, James continued to grin like an idiot, wondering if his friends understood.

"Sorry mate, I have no bloody clue what you're talking about," Sirius said, his eyebrows still raised.

"C'mon, really?" James asked, looking crestfallen. "You don't understand either, Wormy?"

Peter shook his head and leaned against a post of James' bed. "I haven't the faintest."

"You know how Remus always tried to get us to read those Muggle Western books?"

"Yeah...?" Sirius said, still not understanding where James was going with this.

"Oh, come on, Sirius!" James said impatiently. "What was the only thing that... _captured_ our attention?"

"Uhm... oh!" Sirius exclaimed, finally getting it.

"What?"

"_Wormy_!" Sirius exclaimed, exasperated. "James is talking about stealing Remus, Western style!"

Peter's eyes lit up excitedly, but then deflated instantly. "We don't have any guns though!"

"Are you dim?" Sirius questioned, snorting. "Pete, we have _wands_. I think Moony would think it was a joke if we were in Hogwarts, and someone whipped out a gun!"

"Oh, heh... yeah, that's true."

"Yeah, so now that that's sorted out," James said, rolling his eyes. "Now we need to figure out when."

"Tonight!"

"Padfoot, it's the full moon tonight!"

"So? We can smuggle him out to the Willow!"

"And how do you think we'd be allowed to do that?" Peter asked.

"We could always ask Poppy—if we promise to get him down there on time, I don't think there'd be any problem."

"Alright," James said, agreeing. "Let's put this plan into motion! Sirius, go down to the hospital wing and turn on your charm—Pete, take the map and cloak; go into one of Filch's supply closets and grab a lot of rope and tape, I know he has some because I've seen it before. Make sure you bring your bag too so you can put everything in it."

"Alright," Peter said as he grabbed his bag; while he was doing that, Sirius dug the Map out from its hiding place while James located his Invisibility Cloak.

Once Peter left, Sirius turned to James and asked, "So, what are you going to do?"

"Well, my friend," James said smirking as they were both leaving the room, "I'm going to go into forbidden territory—the library."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, because I'm going in there to research some certain spells."

"And what would those spells be?" Sirius questioned as they made their way out of the common room and through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"A little bit of strengthening charms, a little bit of sound and voice charms."

"Brilliant," Sirius chuckled.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Hey, Remus," Peter said, gulping, as he made his way back into the boys dormitory.

"Hey, Pete, where were you? And where are James and Sirius?" Remus asked tiredly, snacking on some of the food that was originally brought up from the kitchens.

"Er—I was just around, you know... and James and Sirius, I dunno where they are."

"Oh, okay...?" he said, frowning. "And why was there a Silencing charm around James' bed? Did he have another... eventful night or something?"

"Oh, er—well, I wouldn't be able to testify to that, or anything," Peter said, swallowing. "But, we were all talking this morning, and we didn't want to wake you up... you know, 'cause we figured you wouldn't want us to."

"Oh, thanks," Remus said, smiling. "Somehow I doubt Sirius didn't want to wake me up, though."

"What gives you that idea?"

"Because, the last time he didn't get up, I set his bed to collapse on him and turn into jelly," he said, smirking.

"That'd make sense," Peter giggled.

"Yeah, pretty mu—oh! Hey, James."

"Oh, hey, Remus! I see you're up, have a good rest?" James asked, hopping onto his bed.

"Yeah, thanks, I did. Wormy told me what you guys did this morning."

"Oh—did he really?" James questioned, glancing at Peter thoughtfully. "What'd he say to you?" he asked cautiously.

"Just that you guys used a Silencing charm so you didn't wake me... why? Was there more?"

"Oh! No, no there isn't—I just figured, er, never mind. Anyway, you're welcome, mate," James said, smiling genially just as Sirius walked in.

"Oh, look what the cat dragged in!"

"You shouldn't talk about Pete that way."

"I was actually talking about Moony, but sure thing Prongs," Sirius chuckled. "How're you, Moony?"

"Fine, I guess," he answered, lying down again. "I have a huge headache and my body feels as if it's about to engulf itself... I think I'm going to go to the Hospital Wing soon, stay there for the day, then Madam Pomfrey can take me down afterwards."'

"No!" Sirius exclaimed quickly, causing Remus to glance at him, arching his eyebrow.

"Why not?"

"Well, I was actually just down there now—"

"Why?" Remus exclaimed.

"I, uhm—well, to be frank, it's kind of embarrassing," Sirius muttered, making up a lie quickly.

"The best kind, continue, Padfoot," James said, smirking.

After a withering look sent in James' direction, Sirius sighed and said, "Well, remember Asyla?"

"Yeah, how could I forget?" Remus questioned, confused but entertained.

"Well, she saw me today, and she decided to get me back."

"Oh no, what did she do to 'Siritoots'?" James asked, laughing, referring to what she had called him in front of the entire Great Hall.

"Shut up, you," Sirius said, sticking his tongue out. "Well, she kind of got me from behind, and hexed me so much I had to go down."

"That's all?" Remus questioned, visibly annoyed. "That wasn't even funny," he huffed, lying back down.

"'That wasn't even funny,'" Sirius mimicked. "C'mon boys, we have some stuff to do."

"What?"

"No, don't worry about it, Remus, just lay there."

"Well, since you didn't tell me why I shouldn't go down to the Hospital Wing, I think I'm going to go now."

"No!" Sirius exclaimed, once again. "Just, don't. Just, trust me, okay? Me, Prongs, and Wormy all have a surprise for you involving chocolate."

After staring at Sirius for a few seconds, Remus pursed his lips and put his head back down onto the pillows. "Fine, I'll see you guys later."

"Yeah, see yah!" James said, and after waving bye, Sirius and Peter followed him out of the room.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"For a second I thought that was completely blown," James exclaimed, spreading out on one of the many couches in the Room of Requirement.

"Yeah, no kidding," Sirius muttered, clawing his way through Peter's bag. "Rope... tape..." he murmured as he threw the objects onto the ground beside him. "Why the bloody hell do you have these disgusting rags and a broken bucket in here, Wormy?"

"Well, I didn't know what we were using for a blind fold, so I grabbed the rags—"

"Even if Moony will be entertained by this prank, he wouldn't be too impressed if we used these disgusting things!" Sirius exclaimed, holding one of the offending rags between his thumb and forefinger as far away from himself as possible. "Hell, it's lucky _I'm _touching it!"

"Stop your whining, Padfoot," James said while rolling his eyes as he got off the couch, knelt beside Sirius, took out his wand, and muttered "_Tergeo_."

"Right, I knew that," he muttered, dropping the rags anyways. "So, Wormy, what's the tattered bucket for?"

"To stuff your head in."

"Sirius' head wouldn't fit in that small of a bucket."

"Neither would yours, Prongs!"

"I know," he said, grinning cheekily.

"_Anyways_," Peter interrupted. "I figured we could use it for _something_."

"Nothing I can think of," Sirius commented with James nodding in agreement.

"Oh well, let's just keep it just in case, you never know when it'll come in handy."

"Right, we'll do that," James said, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, we better get on that chocolate for Moony and keep him entertained."

"What about the spells and everything you were supposed to look up?"

"Oh, right... forgot about that," he said sheepishly. "Okay, you two get on that chocolate stuff, and I'll enhance the ropes to be extra strong and the tape to be extra sticky."

"What about the sound charms?"

"Right, well, I played around with a spell I found and managed to get the spell to work at a specific time—"

"So, it's like a timer then?"

"Exactly, I can cast them right now, or later, whatever you guys think."

"Later, definitely; that way if something screws up, it won't be a problem."

"Brilliant plan like always, Padfoot."

"Thank you, Prongs!"

"Now, can we go? I think Moony is going to get suspicious."

"Then exit, Wormy, and I shall follow your lead... unless of course you walk into a wall, then I'll go around you," Sirius chuckled, then promptly striding out of the Room after Peter.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"So, why are we sitting in the middle of the Entrance Hall?" Remus questioned, thoroughly confused.

"'Cause we're cool like that," Sirius answered, smirking. "Now shut your pie hole and stuff some of that Chocolate Pie in it."

"Fine with me," he said, shrugging. James noticed the time, glanced at Sirius and waited for him to notice the gaze. Once Sirius realized the stare, James scratched his nose slightly. Sirius clued into the signal quickly and stealthily drew his wand and muttered the spell to make the hall go completely black. As he said the spell, James swiftly asked how the pie was, distracting Remus accordingly.

"What the hell?" Remus exclaimed, dropping his spoon filled with pie onto his lap.

"Get him!" James snarled in a voice so unlike his own.

"Who's tha—" Remus' voice was cut off by the extra-sticky tape being placed over his mouth by Peter and Sirius tied the cleaned rags across Remus' eyes. James then turned the lights back on and took Remus' wand and placed it in his own pocket.

A muffled voice came from Remus who was flailing around, giving Sirius difficulty as he was trying to tie his arms together with the rope.

"Stay still!" Sirius barked while placing his wand against his victim's neck. "That's what I thought," he muttered as Remus stopped moving instantaneously.

"Moony!" Peter whimpered, his voice the same. The three of them decided it was best if one of their voices stayed the same so it didn't sound like they just completely disappeared.

After more muffled sounds coming from Remus, he was hoisted up onto his feet by Sirius as James said, "Stop talking, boy! Unless you want your friend"—James shook Remus a little— "to be hurt, keep your mouth closed."

Peter ran ahead of the others as he wasn't supposed to be one of the "robbers." He brought the cloak so he could transform and freeze the knot on the Whomping Willow at the right time. Sirius and James brought Remus out, Sirius holding his wand to Remus' chest while holding his arms in place. James was holding Remus' head down while keeping his own down, hoping no one was looking out the windows.

"Crouch down, and crawl," Sirius said, getting into the tunnel before Remus while James went afterwards. Once they finally arrived at the Shrieking Shack, they hurriedly tied Remus to a chair and took off the tape, none to gently.

"_Ow_," he moaned as Sirius ripped off the tape.

"So, sonny boy, what do you have to say for yourself?" James questioned, smirking.

"I don't know what you mean... where did you take me?"

"You know what we mean!"

"No, I honestly don't!"

"Pathetic," Sirius muttered, winking at James. "How about we do this the correct way."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you should leave me right now!"

"I don't think that will happen, Mr. Lupin."

"Seriously"—here Sirius almost laughed—"you shouldn't be here with me right now... it's almost ti—"

Remus broke off, his body started to shake. The three other Marauders glanced at each other, and all exited the room, respecting Remus' previous wishes to not have them see him transforming. Once they heard the cries, where they shivered, and the breaking of the chair they had him sitting on, they all transformed into their Animagus forms and burst into the room. The Werewolf turned around, having heard their noises, and took them in. Realization passed through his amber eyes and growled, not a dangerous growl, but a growl translating into, "you guys are not off the hook on this one."

The large, shaggy dog barked, sounding like a laugh, and pranced over to the Werewolf's side. Nibbling playfully on his arm where the ropes were hanging loosely, the dog pulled them off while the stag, using his mouth, picked up the rag that was lying on the ground and tossed it, hitting the Werewolf in the face. The Werewolf made a grunting noise, turned around and walked over to the other side of the room, planning on making a run at the stag, just for some fun. However, as he took not more than three steps, a bucket fell onto his head, pouring great amounts of pink goo all over his body.

The Werewolf turned around, his eyes narrowed, taking in the three Animagus in the room with him, all shaking with mirth—it was quite the site for the Werewolf, seeing a shaggy dog, a large stag, and a small mouse standing side by side, all reacting in the same way. The Werewolf shook his large, elongated head, huffed, and dropped onto the ground. The other three animals made their way to the Werewolf, each face holding some form of smirk, and sat down in a circle, just there for company.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"I can't believe you guys," Remus Lupin muttered, resting in his reserved bed in the Hospital Wing.

"You loved it."

"Actually, I was scared out of my bloody robes, to be quite honest."

"It's because you were being a bitch, Moony," Sirius said, sitting in a chair with his feet up on his friend's bed. "You were being a big downer, and we figured you needed to lighten up a bit."

"It was either that or get you some ass, to be honest," James said, grinning. "And that was Sirius' idea, by the way."

"Yeah, because that's surprising," Remus said, smirking. "But thanks you guys, seriously. It was kind of fun—and I put a lot of emphasis on kind of."

"It was pretty fun," Sirius commented, chuckling. "Best part though was when I got to see a _pink_ Werewolf."

"Shut up," Remus muttered, glancing around the room.

In order to reassure Remus, Sirius said, "Don't worry mate, we cast a Silencing Charm, just in case."

"Right, thanks... anyways, what happened today?"

"Well, you missed Sirius' run-in with Asyla."

"Oh, what happened?" he questioned, eyes gleaming with mischief.

"We have another name for him, now!" James exclaimed while Sirius just groaned. "Let me introduce you to our Ticklebear. Name origin: because he just knows where those spots are!"

"Wow," Remus said, snorting with laughter. "That must've been quite the embarrassment, Padfoot."

"No kidding... _and_ Kayleen just so happened to be right there."

"Tough luck, buddy... what about Pete? Where's he?"

"I think he's scared of your reaction to the pink goo," James laughed.

"He should be, because when I see him," Remus said, smirking, "I'm going to try out a few charms I found in the library the other day."

"Ouu!" Sirius squealed, temporarily forgetting about Asyla. "What does it do? Tell me, tell me!"

"In so many words," Remus said, closing his eyes. "Well, let's just say Wormy might be jiving around the school squeaking about his fetish for the lovely colour pink—and he may possibly be wearing a pink kilt."

"I'd love to see that."

"Me too—but more than that, I'd love to see Minnie's reaction to the pink kilt," James said through muffled laughter.


	3. There's No Trust When it Comes to Fire

_[Bolded lines __succeeding_ this line is from the book, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter: The Marauder's Map]

**along yet another wall were 'Special Effects' — sweets: Droobles Best Blowing Gum (which filled a room with bluebell-colored bubbles that refused to pop for days), the strange, splintery Toothflossing Stringmints, tiny black Pepper Imps ('breathe fire for your friends!'),**

"But here's a hint," James said, "don't blow it _at_ your friends."

"I said sorry!" Sirius exclaimed, half laughing, half serious.

* * *

_Path to Hogsmeade, Hogsmeade Village, 10:12a.m.; 28 October 1973_

"Oh Merlin!" Sirius moaned.

"Don't make those noises, Sirius," Remus said reproachfully.

"Why not?"

"'Cause it sounds dirty," James commented, grimacing. "Oi! Evans! Wanna' spend the day together?" he yelled suddenly, noticing the red head thirty feet in front of them.

"Not in your dreams, Potter," Lily yelled, turning back to her black-haired Slytherin friend and kept on walking.

"She won't even spend the day with me," James muttered.

"She probably thinks you still have cooties or something," Peter said, snickering.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's when girls think guys are contagious," Remus commented, smirking at James. "But to be honest, I think she just doesn't like you mate."

"Well I don't really even like her," he muttered, still glancing ahead towards Lily. "Whatever," he said louder, "I don't care. Now, Sirius, would you like to explain why the hell you even decided to make your noises?"

"C'mon James!" he exclaimed, practically bouncing down the path. "Isn't it _obvious._ We're going to Hogsmeade for the first time!"

"I've been to Hogsmeade before though," James laughed.

"Well the rest of us haven't been that lucky," Remus muttered. "I just can't wait for Honeydukes!"

"Your mind will be absolutely blown when you walk into that store, buddy."

"Can you not talk about it right now," he complained. "I want it as soon as possible, but we're still kinda far away."

"Well, in that case..." Sirius started, looking at Remus evilly. "I've heard there's mountains of chocolate—all different kinds. And there's chocolate sandwiches with chocolate drizzle, and chocolate pizzas, all topped with your _favourite_ liquorice wands (cut in pieces of course.) Then there's always Honeyduke's special chocolate supreme that just melts in your mou—"

"Remus! Don't hit Sirius' head! He can't afford to lose any more brain cells!" James exclaimed laughing as his friends wrestled on the ground, Remus clearly having the upper hand.

"Oi!" Sirius gasped as he rolled to the side. "James, I'm getting beat here and you make fun of me?"

"Yeah?" he snorted as Peter was standing beside him, cheering both of his friends on.

"Alright, Remus, hop off our resident Black... don't you want to get to Honeydukes?"

At that, he did climb off of Sirius and held out a hand for him to grab. "Thanks, buddy," Sirius said, grimacing. "Really appreciated after you were beating on me."

"No problem!" Remus exclaimed, grinning cheekily.

"_Anyways_," Peter drawled. "Let's get a move on—I want to get to Dervish & Banges too."

"Yes, sir!" James said, saluting, as the four of them continued to walk to Hogsmeade. "So, where do you guys want to go?"

"Honeydukes," Remus said immediately.

"Other than there," James chuckled.

"Er—I want to go to Scrivenshaft's—"

"Figures," Sirius chuckled. "But, continue, Remmy!"

"_Don't_ call me Remmy," he said sternly. "But I also want to go to Zonko's, and obviously The Three Broomsticks."

"Well, he covered it for me," Sirius smirked.

"So, basically we're going almost everywhere, I guess—except for the post office, Gladrags, Madam Puddifoot's"—here everyone grimaced—"and The Hog's Head."

"I think we should go to The Hog's Head too!"

"You would, Sirius," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"I think we should too," James said laughing. "It'd be a good time—my mum told me Dumbledore's brother owns it!"

"Really?"

"_No_. Of course, you dolt! I wouldn't lie to you."

"That's nice to know," Sirius chuckled. "Anyways, we're here!" he exclaimed as they approached the gates into the village.

"That we can see," Remus muttered. "Anyways, want to hit up each place in order?"

"You don't want to go to Honeydukes first?" Sirius yelled, drawing attention from people behind, in front, and beside them. "Well, isn't that surprise!" he said in a normal voice.

"Well, I figured if I went there first, I'd blow all my money anyways."

"Good point, my beautiful, furry friend," James laughed as he made his way into Dervish & Banges. "Here we are, Pete. Take a good look around, buy whatever you want, and then we're off to the next place!"

After the group left Dervish & Banges, they made their way to The Hog's Head where they each ordered a Butterbeer while talking to Aberforth animatedly. Once they left there, after promising Aberforth to return on the next trip, they went to Scrivenshaft's and Zonko's respectively. An hour later, the four of the boys made their way into Honeydukes excitedly.

"Zonko's was brilliant, but this store... this store is my favourite bloody dream!"

"Remus, don't drool on the items—you'll have to buy it all."

"And how would _that_ be a problem?"

Unable to answer, James shrugged and made a beeline for the Chocoballs while the other three spread out through the store, each buying their own things. Once they all met up at the end, they grinned at each other, looking at what was in everyone's arms.

"Are you sure you can afford all of that Moony?" Sirius exclaimed, not condescendingly, but generally curious.

"Yeah, I've been saving up!" he answered happily, his eyes twinkling. He had the most out of all of them, doubling all three of theirs put together.

"Tonight should be interesting," Peter laughed, looking at everything they just bought.

"Two words," James said. "Sugar. Rush."

"That I cannot wait for!" Remus laughed. "However, we have to go to The Three Broomsticks first, then we can go back to Hogwarts."

"Right-eo, Remus!" Sirius chuckled, leading the way out onto the steet.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"How many do you think I can stuff in my mouth?" Sirius questioned, his head hanging over the side of his bed, upside-down, holding a bag of jelly slugs.

"Ten of them, tops," Peter said, glancing at what Sirius had in his hands.

"Nah, I think you'll fit twenty of those suckers in your mouth... it's big enough," Remus laughed, smirking at Sirius' undignified face.

"I'm going with sixteen, I think."

"Kay, let's see this..." Sirius muttered before he started to pile them into his mouth.

"Eight," Remus said as Sirius took a second to rearrange his tongue. "Fourteen, you're definitely out, Pete."

"Seventeen..." James muttered. "C'mon, Sirius! Your mouth can't be _that_ big!"

A muffled noise came out of Sirius as he stuffed four more into his mouth as he started to gag.

"Well, I win with twenty-two," Remus said, smirking. "But now you need to swallow, mate."

A protesting noise came from Sirius but the others shook their heads and laughed while Sirius struggled to chew and swallow the large mass in his mouth.

"I don't think I'll _ever_ eat another jelly slug again," he muttered, gasping for breath. He started gagging again as if the large mass was still in there.

"I can't believe you eat them in general."

Rolling his eyes, Peter said, "James, they aren't _real_, so you have no reason to be scared of them."

"Slugs are _gross_ and freaky, and I wouldn't be caught dead eating a real _or_ fake one."

"You have the weirdest irrational fear," Remus said as he broke apart a large brick of Honeyduke's finest and tossed it into his mouth. "Why are you sitting on the ground, you two?" he questioned as he chewed.

"I like the floor," Peter said shrugging, as he was sitting with his back to Sirius' bed.

"And I would rather not sit beside Sirius on a bed... who knows what he'd try—"

"Ew!"

"—I'm kidding, you wanker. I just don't know what he's been doing in that bed," James said, smirking. "I also wouldn't want to sit beside you when you're mauling your chocolate—you would probably mistake my arm as a log of milk chocolate or something."

"Oh, that's nice of you," Remus commented, rolling his eyes. "What's in your hands?"

"Me?"

"Yes, James, you."

"Some Pepper Imps—I've never had them before because my parents didn't trust me with them."

"Well, that's understandable," Peter laughed. "You'd probably set your gigantic house on fire or something.

"_Thanks_," he said wryly as Sirius yelled that he wanted to try some.

"Alright, mate. Catch it with your mouth!" James exclaimed as he threw the black, triangular sweet towards Sirius' mouth.

"Got it!" he exclaimed as he went to chomp down onto the sweet. As soon as it squished between his teeth, he let out a yelp sounding like "It's bloody hot!" No one paid attention to his remark though as when he went to speak, fire erupted from his mouth in a fury of flame. James, wide eyed and un-expecting, received the full force of the flame.

"Bloody hell, you dolt!" he exclaimed as Remus hurriedly grabbed the water pitcher beside his bed and dumped it on his friend's head. "Owww," he whined as his face was scorched.

"Let—" Sirius started to talk, but a small burst of fire erupted from his mouth once again.

"_Don't_ talk, Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. "Pete, we need to get James down to the Hospital Wing right now... and Sirius, drink some water or something!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

"I always seem to get these incidents once a year," Madam Pomfrey huffed as she applied some orange, burn-healing paste to James' face. "Now, which one of you caused this, as I highly doubt Mr. Potter blew fire in his own face."

Before Sirius could even speak, Remus told him to shut up, but pointed Sirius out. "Very well, drink the potion in the smallest vial on the table beside Mr. Potter's bed," she said tiredly as it was around 12:00 in the morning.

"Do I have to stay here, Poppy," James questioned, gingerly touching his face.

"Even if I tell you yes, would you?"

"No."

"Then yes, Mr. Potter, you may leave," she sighed. "Just please apply that paste tomorrow morning too."

"Of course, thanks a lot."

"It's my job," she muttered as the four students walked out of the infirmary. "Oh, and Mr. Potter?"

"Yeah?" he called, looking back.

"Be sure to look in the mirror," she said. She promptly started to chuckle as she heard a very distinct squeal, laughter, and James yelling, "SIRIUS! You burnt off my bloody eyebrows!"

"And your parents don't trust _you_ with them," Remus laughed. "Imagine how they'd react if Sirius brought some to your house."


	4. Thankfully You Can Marry More Than Once

_[Bolded lines succeeding this text is from the book, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter: Owl Post Again.]_

**Snape stood there, seething, staring from Fudge, who looked thoroughly shocked at his behavior, to Dumbledore, whose eyes were twinkling behind his glasses. Snape whirled about, robes swishing behind him, and stormed out of the ward.**

"Can you say _pissed off?_"

"Yes, I can, thank you Black."

"It was a rhetorical question, Snape."

"And yet I still answered it."

"_Shut up_," Remus snapped. "You two fight like a married couple."

"Ew," Sirius gagged while Severus just blanched.

"Well, they _have_ been a married couple before," James said, laughing.

"Not funny," Sirius and Severus both said, and promptly glared at each other.

"Actually, it was quite amusing," Albus said, his eyes twinkling.

"_Very_," both Lily and James confirmed.

"Keep reading, Moony," Sirius growled.

"Yes, my fair maiden."

"Shut up!" Severus and Sirius both growled.

"Touchy, touchy," Remus laughed before continuing to read.

* * *

"We should castrate him," growled Lily as she tried to move.

"Padfoot will pay."

"I don't think that's fair to him, love. And no, Moony," James muttered, his words coming out muffled as his face was squished against the glass, unable to move. "I think the correct phrase for what Padfoot will be doing is: regretting his pitiful existence on this inhumane place we call earth."

"I can't wait," Remus mumbled as he tried to pry himself off of the floor he was glued to.

... ... ... ... ... ...

_Hogwart's Castle, Head's Common Room, 8:08p.m.; 18 February 1978_

"I still think we should castrate him."

"I don't know about you, but I don't want to see Sirius with his pants off," James grumbled which effectively turned Lily straight off of the idea. "But we need to figure out a good prank... not just good though, it has to be something that he'll _never_ live down."

"We could always tie him up and dangle him off the Astronomy Tower?"

"Moony, what's with your gruesome tactics these days? First eye-eating moths, then heat-seeking rodents, now this...? You're starting to scare me, mate."

"Ah, just don't get on my bad side and you won't have to worry."

"Thanks for the notice," James laughed as he applied some dittany to his face where some skin was ripped off.

"So what's the plan, oh amazing, talented Marauders?" Lily questioned sarcastically, laying down on one of the couches. "I _really_ need to get him back considering he glued one of my hands to your rear and my other hand to your pants... and placed us for everyone to see."

"At least you didn't look like a dog trying to mark its territory," Remus muttered while his face went red at the memory.

"You did look kinda' cute like that, Moony," James chuckled but was silenced instantly at the look he received.

Just as Remus was about to say something, he became distracted as he noticed an owl hovering by the window waiting to come in. "Looks like someone's post arrived late...?"

James went to let the owl—one that he noticed was one of the school's—into the room, closing the window immediately as it was quite cold outside. The tawny owl flew directly over to Lily where it promptly stuck out its leg containing a letter that was obviously written by a Muggle as the paper was thin and white with words written in blue pen. After Lily took the letter off, the owl went directly back to the window where James opened it back up, then closed it again. As she read the letter her eyebrows moved further up her forehead, and by the time she finished reading the letter, they had disappeared into her hair line.

"What's up?" Remus asked hesitantly with James sitting beside him, frowning in agreement.

"Well... apparently Petunia's getting married," she replied disbelievingly, still looking at the letter. "The whale—I mean, Vernon—proposed to her two days ago."

"And she actually wrote to tell you?" James questioned awkwardly, knowing the two of them didn't get along at all.

"No, no she didn't," Lily sighed. "But my mom told me—this is her letter. I wonder, what was to be gained by this, anyways? It's not like I'm going to be offered to be in the actual wedding," she finished sadly.

The boys remained quiet both looking at Lily empathetically. All of a sudden, James' eyes lit up and let out a snort of laughter causing Remus to send him a reproachful look and Lily just to raise her eyebrows. He chuckled for a moment, his eyes glittering with deviant thoughts, and rushed into an explanation.

"I just thought of _the_ best thing... Sirius will _never, ever_ live this one down!" he said between spurs of laughter. "What if we, in a way, _marry_ Sirius?"

"I'm so lost," Lily muttered, glancing over at Remus to see him gazing at James (who was on the floor giggling) with an expression that Lily translated into 'looking at someone who should be in a mental hospital.'

"I've officially claimed you as nuts, you know that?" Remus commented, his mouth curved into a mocking smile.

"Oh, c'mon you guys! For some reason no one _ever_ understands my plans!"

"That's because you're a lunatic."

"Nicely phrased, Lily."

"Thank you, Remus! Anyways, care to explain?" she asked her boyfriend who had tears of mirth in his eyes.

"Let me summarize it in a few words for you two," James said, pulling himself into a sitting position. "Sirius, marriage, someone who he doesn't like, and _complete_ embarrassment."

"That could work," Remus said thoughtfully. "Who would we use as the girl though—Sirius wouldn't care if he had to be temporarily married to a girl in this school, you know that."

"Okay, well what if it _wasn't_ a girl?" Lily supplied with a devilish grin plastered on her face.

"Oh, and who are you thinking of?" James questioned, leaning towards her. "That creepy Ravenclaw bloke in fifth year... you know, the one who I _swear_ was checking Sirius out.

"Maybe... or, well—no, I think it'd be to mean—"

"Who?" both Remus and James exclaimed, their eyes completely lit up. "C'mon, you can't say that and then _not_ tell us," James said, trying to wheedle it out of her. "I'll give you a kiss!" he sang.

"Later," she said, winking. "But... well—my original thought was actually Sever—"

"Snape!" Remus laughed, tackling Lily into a hug. "What a brilliant, amazing, beautiful suggestion!"

James started to laugh outright, letting his torso and head fall back onto the floor, making him look like he was having some kind of fit. "That's – bloody – brilliant!" he exclaimed through his hysterical laugh.

"I take it that's who we're going with now, isn't it?" Lily asked wryly. "Well—unfortunately—" ("Don't say unfortunately! ") "–it _was_ my idea, but _no one gets physically hurt_? Do you get it?"

"Yeah, I promise, love," James said cheerfully. "Physically hurt, no— scarred for their entire life, oh yeah!"

"Good," Lily commented, smirking slightly.

"So how are we going to do this?" Remus questioned, lounging with his back against the couch. "Love potion is too much, I think—plus, I think he's keeping an eye out for them, after this Christmas and all..."

The three of them laughed, remembering the scene between their Transfiguration Professor and Sirius. They lapsed into silence thinking about the possibilities, outcomes, and different schemes surrounding their idea. Suddenly, Lily jumped up and went into her room, coming out with a large, leather-bound book that had a peeling spine. She sat down between the two boys on the floor so they could all see it. The cover read _Convivial Charms: Invigorating Spells Ensnaring One's Attention by Bemish March _in silver calligraphy.

"Why, may I ask, do you have that?" James questioned, raising his eyebrows, estimating the thickness of the book.

"Charms essay," she answered shrugging, flipping to the back of the book where the index was located. She ran her finger down the page with a large 'E' at the top, pausing at the words 'Entrancing Charm', and tapping her finger twice. "Page 282," she muttered, flipping the pages, only stopping at the correct page.

"You know, this could work," Remus murmured, reading the text that was spread across 282 and 283. "There's a trigger spell here that works with it—that means we'd only need to get one of them and then have them look at the other when we do trigger it."

"It'd definitely be easier to cast it on Sirius, especially considering it would be _really_ easy for him to go near Snape," James commented, smirking slightly. "But you know— since they're getting married, I think it would be appropriate if they were in the correct... attire, if you know what I mean."

"Who's going to wear the dress?" Lily asked, a laugh escaping her lips.

"I think Sirius only 'cause it's mainly him we're trying to get—Snape just happens to be the person who's the... most appropriate choice," Remus chuckled, still scanning the text.

"So, what's the plan?" James questioned, spinning his wand in his hand.

"Lily should cast it on Sirius—he'll be excepting us more, only because he's used to us getting him," said Remus as he finally looked up from the book. "Plus, Lily has the best mark out of us three in Charms, so it only makes sense."

"Alright," she said, reading the correct pronunciation and wand movement to herself.

"Prongs, you should transfigure their clothes, considering you're the best at that," he said, getting up onto his feet. "Obviously we can't get Snape to wear dress robes tomorrow and we _definitely_ can't get Sirius to put on a dress, so you'll need to transfigure whatever they end up wearing."

"It'll have to be the same colour though," James said regretfully. "I can't be doing too much to their clothes, it'll take too long and we won't have tonnes of time."

"Tomorrow is Saturday anyways," Lily said, looking up from the book. "Severus will be wearing his black and green school robes still, but Sirius normally wears some kind of colourful shirt just to be annoying."

"Yeah, that's true— let's just hope he doesn't where his leather jacket," Remus said, shivering.

"_Ew_, imagine Sirius in a leather dress?"

"Exactly how I feel right now thinking about that image," Lily muttered, indicating James' playful gags. "Anyways, what will you do, Remus?"

"I'm planning on introducing Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape," Remus said, his smirk threatening to crack his face. "And, you never know... maybe a sticking charm."

"This'll be some amazing revenge," James laughed.

"He'll realize he should've never screwed around with us."

"Right you are Moony!"

"Anyways," Lily commented, looking at her watch. "It's kinda' after curfew, Remus. You should go now and hope you get back to the dormitory before Sirius arrives from his detention."

"Yeah, mate... but hold on a second," James said, getting up and quickly going into his room. When he returned, he handed his Invincibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map to Remus who took it thankfully.

"Thanks... and what do I tell Pete?" he asked as he muttered "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"If he's not back from_ his _detention, don't tell him anything," James warned. "We can't afford this prank to be spoiled."

"And if he is back?"

"Tell him you just got caught up in here doing homework or something," he shrugged.

"Alright, see you guys tomorrow," Remus laughed as he put the cloak on top of him, checked the map, and left the Head's Dormitory.

"This'll be interesting," Lily smirked, looking and James.

"That it will," he replied, the same devious expression plastered on his face.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Good morning chaps!" Sirius exclaimed as he entered the Gryffindor common room to see all of his friends sitting on a couch and on the ground surrounding the fire.

They all looked up and made some sort of greeting; Remus', James', and Lily's however, were the least pronounced as they were acting as if they were still mad and _not_ in revenge mode. At one point when no one was looking, Lily muttered "_Adloirre Agere_" under her breath that was skilfully planned to be drowned out by Remus' laugh caused by a joke James told. After a few hours of talking, homework, and plenty dirty looks directed towards Sirius, everyone agreed to go down to the Great Hall for lunch.

Luckily for James, Remus, and Lily, as soon as the seventh year Gryffindors arrived into the entrance hall, so did Snape. Since Sirius was walking slightly ahead of the rest, he spotted them first. When Lily was sure Sirius was looking directly at Severus, she pointed her wand at Sirius and activated the trigger by muttering "_Activus_."

Among hearing Lily's spell, James hastily took out his wand and transfigured Sirius' deep red shirt into a long dress and swiftly muttered "_Orchideous_," conjuring a red rose, and tucked it into Severus' pocket, who was standing there transfixed, looking at Sirius... grinning with a very disturbing lavish look.

"Severus," Sirius whispered, wide eyed.

"Sirius?" he answered, reaching his arm out to take Sirius' hand.

"You guys are forgetting something," Remus cut in, skilfully containing his laughter, and held out two rings that James had transfigured the night before as an afterthought. Both Sirius and Severus took one each and placed it on each other's ring finger.

"Don't forget your veil!" Lily exclaimed, arranging it on Sirius' head.

"Now, let's introduce this happy couple to the students of Howarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" James exclaimed as he grabbed Sirius arm who grabbed Severus' hand who had his opposite arm being held by Remus. Lily and Peter walked behind the abnormal sight, Lily noticing how bad Sirius looked in a dress and Peter completely silent and completely confused, looking at his friend and his friend's arch-enemy holding hands.

"_Sonorus_," Remus muttered.

"I would like your attention!" he exclaimed in his magnified voice. Once everyone in the Great Hall was looking towards the six students at the door way (and once they saw Severus and Sirius, they started to gape,) Remus continued. "Now, I am very happy to introduce you to this lovely couple: Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape!"

Sirius and Severus, still holding hands, stood there grinning and waving to the student body and multiple teachers; their grins didn't even fade as everybody started to laugh at once. Professors Slughorn, McGonagall, and Dumbledore ascended from the high table almost immediately to approach the group.

"Who is responsible for this?" Professor McGonagall breathed in fury, eyeing Sirius nervously.

"Who do you think?" Remus snorted, waving Peter away. "See you later, Pete!"

"C'mon love birds," muttered James, still laughing. "Into the entrance hall!"

"Mr. Snape, kindly come with me," Professor Slughorn said.

Severus looked at his Head of House and shook his head. "No sir, I cannot do that... I must stay with my fair lady."

"He's my knight, and he can't leave!"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin," McGonagall practically growled, "and Ms. Evans... put these two back to normal. And _someone, _for the love of Merlin, put some more clothes on Mr. Black!"

Professor Dumbledore waved his wand in a flourish effectively erasing the effects of the spell.

"Merlin's unkempt feet!" Sirius shrieked as he noticed what he was wearing and who he was holding hands with. "Snape, let go of my hand!"

"Black, you're the one not letting go!" he growled, trying to tug his hand out of the vice-like grip. "And would you put on some pants?"

"I would, but _you_ aren't letting go!"

"_Who_ put a sticking charm on their hands?" McGonagall huffed, taking out her wand. After many attempts to free them, nothing proved to work.

"It might only wear off in twenty-four hours," Remus said sheepishly.

"So you mean I have to be attached to Black for the rest of the day?" Severus yelled viciously.

"In technical terms, the rest of the day is approximately twelve hours," Dumbledore announced, his eyes twinkling. "Therefore, you will be stuck to Mr. Black until approximately tomorrow afternoon."

"And you can't do anything about that?" Sirius growled, sending his friends an intense glare.

"No, I do not believe so," Dumbledore admitted. "Have a good day—and night, boys. Horace, would you like to join me back in the Great Hall to continue our discussion?"

"Yes—of course," Slughorn said. "Now, behave yourselves boys... and Ms. Evans, you should be expecting an invitation soon."

"The three of you will receive detentions, and twenty points off from each of you!" Professor McGonagall huffed and immediately returned to the Great Hall.

"Alright," James and Remus said normally where Lily said hers quieter.

"I _really_ hate you guys," Sirius muttered as he tried to get as far away from Severus as he could.

"What happens when we need to sleep?" Severus questioned awkwardly.

"Who cares about that?" Sirius spat. "I'm wearing a dress and I haven't gone to the bathroom since last night!"

"You are _not_ getting changed in front of me—nor going to the bathroom!"

"Well, close your damn eyes then, because if I don't I'll pee all over your shoes!"

"Well," Lily chuckled to James and Remus, both of them laughing, "they _are_ fighting like they're married _and_ they're dressed for it. I think it's quite appropriate!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Push further that way!"

"Black, I'm as far away as I can get!"

"Well go farther!"

"Remus, I wish you didn't use a sticking charm," Peter grumbled as he tried to bury his head deeper into his mattress."

_[Author's Note]  
I did this one because multiple people asked for it... normally I just choose randomly, but here you guys go! :)_

_By the way, if you were wondering, Adloirre Agere is "allure" and "urge" where Activus is "active"_.


	5. Such a Ghostly Experience

_[Bolded text is from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter: The Sorting Hat]_

**Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier. The ghost patted his arm, giving Harry the sudden, horrible feeling he'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice-cold water. **

"It really does suck," Sirius said grimacing. "Especially if you do it repeatedly."

"Why?" Lily asked. "Did you do it repeatedly?"

"Yeah, I lost a bet against this git–" he bumped his arm against Remus, "–and I had to go through every ghost I saw."

"We ended up having to put the warming charm on him ten times at the end of the day because one–"

"Or two–"

"Or two times, wouldn't work," James finished, laughing with Remus.

...

_Hogwart's Grounds, Bank of the Black Lake, 10:42p.m.; 09 June 1975_

"Can we not just... I don't know," Remus huffed, "have a _normal_ bet?"

"Nope!"

"Sirus... I'll bet money, chocolate, and even my body, as you very well know," he argued, referring to the horrific situation that he landed himself in when he had to auction off his own manly bits. "But I will _not_ be walking through any ghosts on purpose!"

"C'mon, Remus! It'd be fun!"

"You think running through multiple ghosts throughout a day would be _fun_?"

"Well, it'd be fun to watch!"

"Remus," James muttered exasperatedly. "Just go along with the bet, you know he'll never stop!"

After a reproachful glance sent to James, he resignedly said, "Alright, fine... what're the rules of the bet?"

A grinning Sirius' eyes lit up and ripped off his shirt. "Alright, so the actual bet is who can get to the Giant Squid first—"

"What if he's too deep?" Peter squeaked.

"Then come and rescue us," Sirius said sarcastically. "No, I just saw him break the top of the water— plus, he likes the sun to much anyways."

"So, whoever gets to him first then?" Remus questioned, smirking.

"And you need to get on top of him!" James exclaimed.

"Alright," sighed Remus as he stood to take off his red Gryffindor t-shirt that his mum made for him. "No other rules?"

"None... keep my pants safe, my friends!" Sirius exclaimed as he stripped down to his boxers.

James and Peter watched as their two friends walked down to the very edge of the lake and stepped in, just so their ankles were submerged. The two boys looked at each other, shook hands, clapped each other on the back, and plunged into the water, both of their heads popping up simultaneously. Sirius started a front stroke with large strides, making his way to the ripples in the water.

"What the hell is Remus doing?" James muttered as he squinted his eyes and used his hand to block out the sun's glare.

"He's just treading water..." Peter mumbled, tilting his head to side. "What does he think'll happen? The squid will swim to him?"

"He's... it looks like he's muttering words or something," James said, thoroughly confused. "Wait, I think he has his wand in his ha—"

James suddenly cut himself off as he watched his friend suddenly become expelled in midair... soaring.

"Shit, he's flying!" Peter laughed as he watched as Remus' arms flail in the sky and Sirius look up, noticing Remus shoot through the air.

"That smarmy son of a banshee!" James chuckled as he scrambled to his feet to see the scene better. "Look at that... he landed right beside the squid!"

"...and he's up," Peter muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "Remind me to _never _bet Remus."

"Me too, buddy, me too."

... ... ... ... ... ...

"You stinking cheat!" Sirius mumbled, hurriedly putting his clothes back on as Remus was going the same thing.

"Hey, I asked you if there were any more rules... you said all I need to do is to get to the Giant Squid, not _swim_ to."

"And now it seems that _you _get to run through any ghost you see," James said to Sirius, doubled up laughing. Once he regained his composure, he turned his attention to Remus. "How the hell did you do that?"

"I just used _Expulso_," Remus chuckled, shrugging. "When you use it in the water it just launches you... it was pretty fun, actually."

"It looked terrifying from where I was," Peter muttered.

"What?" James exclaimed incredulously as they started to make their way back to the castle. "It looked bloody _awesome! _Remus was practically flying through the air!"

"It was actually kind of scary," he answered, going slightly red in the face. "But the thrill was amazing."

"I bet," James smirked and suddenly caught site of Sirius' face. "Cheer up, mate! You get to run through ghosts today!" he said with poorly shown enthusiasm.

"Oh yay, what a cheerful thought!" Sirius said gloomily as they made their way into the entrance hall. "When do I have to start this crappy, stupid bet?"

"'Crappy... stupid...'" Remus mumbled with a smirk on his face. "_You_ made the bet and the terms if you remember."

"Yeah, but I didn't think _I'd _lose."

"Never make a bet if you can't owe up to the cost," Peter grinned. He caught sight of Sirius' starting point of turmoil making its way out of the Great Hall. "Hey, look who it is..."

"How are you doing on this fine, lovely day, Nick?" Remus laughed as he too caught sight of the Gryffindor ghost, and started to wave him over.

"Quite well, my fellow Gryffindors!" he said smiling as he floated to the group of four. "My, my, what is wrong with Mr. Black today?"

"These wankers I call my friends suck."

"Ah, no need to be so blunt... as you know, I don't react well with bluntness," Nick said, chuckling at his own pun. "What did these three fellows do to be on the receiving end of your insults?"

"He lost a bet," Remus smirked, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Oh? And what did you bet at... and what does the bet entail?"

"Who could get on the Giant Squid first," James chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Sirius' and Remus' shoulders. "And my buddy Remus here beat him so badly, Sirius is regretting not only losing to the bet, but also losing to Remus by so much."

Sirius moved away from James and muttered, "See, stupid, bloody friends."

"Ah, well Sirius, you could have lost an enormous bet," Nick said consolingly. "So, the answer to my second question is...?"

"He needs to walk through every ghost he sees today," Peter wheezed.

"Oho!" Nick exclaimed. "Well, I wish you luck with that—so, I take it when you leave me, you will have you walk through me?"

"Most unfortunately, really."

Nick chuckled and beckoned Sirius through him and said, "Well, chaps... I must leave anyways—I told the Fat Friar I would meet up with him. I hope you have a good day."

"Yeah, good day," Sirius mumbled as the other three said their good-byes cheerfully.

Sirius took a deep breath and quickly plunged his way through Nick, shivering when he ended up behind him. James chuckled and grabbed Sirius' arm to pull him away so he wouldn't be left there.

"Just think—that gets to happen all day!" Remus said cheerfully as he walked ahead of his friends.

"Yay..." Sirius said unenthusiastically as he trailed behind James slightly, walking beside Peter.

Through lunch time, every time one of the boys would see a ghost, they'd hurriedly tell Sirius, and he'd have to run after the ghost and go right through him or her to the confusion of many onlookers. About half way through lunch, Sirius gave up and walked out of the hall, announcing to his friends he was going down to the kitchens to eat. James, Remus, and Peter all went with him, not wanting their friend to be alone—and of course to make sure he continued with the consequences of the bet. The group ran into two more ghosts on their way to the kitchens, much to Sirius' disappointment.

Once they were all sufficiently full, Sirius having four bowls of steaming hot soup and two cups of coffee, they left the kitchens despite Sirius' pleas to stay in a closed off area. He had actually refused to leave until James and Remus forcefully removed him and pulled him out into the corridor. As soon as they took not more than ten steps from the portrait hole into the kitchens, the Fat Friar had emerged into the corridor from the Hufflepuff common room. Sirius sighed exasperatedly, called to the ghost that he had already went through six times, and went right through the transparent being. The ghosts by now learned about Sirius' actions and were forced to accept that he would be walking through them all if he saw them.

"Good-bye, Mr. Black! I shall see you again soon, no doubt," the Fat Friar called out as James, Remus, and Peter all rushed by him to catch up to Sirius who was shivering but walking quite quickly.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Have you counted how many times I had to walk through any of the bloody ghosts in this castle?" Sirius questioned as his teeth chattered and his whole body shook from the coldness. He was currently lying in his bed with his, James', and Remus' quilt over him.

"I counted fifty-eight," James said. "But I could be wrong..."

"I had counted sixty-five," Peter laughed.

"I counted the same, Pete," Remus smiled, glancing over to Sirius. "You alright there, mate?"

"No I'm bloody not alright!" he snapped, trying to wrap himself tighter in between the covers.

"Get over here then—"

"I'm bloody _freezing_!" he exclaimed. "I'm not getting out from this warm space until my body rises to a normal temperature."

"We'll cast some warming spells on you," Remus explained, rolling his eyes. "It'll help quicker and work _much _better."

"Alright," he mumbled, rolling out of his bed and walking up to James' bed where both James and Remus were sitting. "Quickly, please!"

"_Calor,_" Remus muttered, pointing his wand at Sirius.

"It's not working!" he whined.

"_Calor_," James said forcefully.

"I'm still cold!" he whined more.

"_Calor_," James and Remus said together, both smiling slightly when Sirius let some of him grimace go.

"Is it working?" Peter questioned, tilting his head.

"Yeah... I think so, keep going," Sirius said happily.

James and Remus both cast the warming charm three more times each until Sirius was successfully warmer.

"I can just hug you guys and take you home with me!"

"Better yet, can I have my quilt back?"

"Same here... I'd rather that then have to live with you for even longer," Remus smirked.

"Oh, I love you guys too..."

_[Author's Note] __**Read second part...**__  
I hope you guys enjoyed... I was going to finish it tomorrow but I ended up making plans with my friends for tomorrow after school until late, so I decided just to finish it tonight._

_So, I've had seven reviewers so far, and ten reviews... I'm kind of hoping for slightly more, especially since I have so many readers. I hate to do this, but I won't be posting another chapter until I get more reviews then that :/ Despite what you may think, these do take long enough, and I have a lot to do in my life, so I don't want to be writing if I don't feel very motivated. _

_So, please __**review**__, and hopefully I'll get the next chapter out soon enough._

_PS, for those who don't know, I choose the topics randomly. The only reason I did the marriage one on demand was because so many people asked for it on the actual RtB series book in reviews. :)_

_ALSO, for those who do review, thank you a whole lot! :)  
-hello-goodbye146  
-Mogseltof  
-Katzztar  
.forever2116  
-TimeToWriteIsHistory  
-Danielle_


	6. Skewed Plans for Screwed Minds

_[Bolded text succeeding this line is from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chapter: The Polyjuice Potion]_

**"****Have you ever heard of a plan where so many things could go wrong?"**

"Yup," Sirius and James said cheerfully while Remus said it mournfully.

* * *

_Hogwarts Grounds, The Black Lake, 12:30a.m.; 12 June 1973_

"What about Filch?" Peter mumbled.

"What about _any_ teacher?" Remus said quietly.

"What about my _sanity_?" James grumbled as he was standing outside in his swimming trunks.

"Boys, what about your bloody Gryffindor courage?"

"Currently it's a place behind my need for warmer air!" said Remus as he ferociously rubbed his hands up and down his arms as he tried to create some friction.

"Awh, c'mon!" Sirius exclaimed while he shifted from foot to foot. "All we need to do is perform those colour changing charms that we learnt and then go back to the dormitory!"

"Yes, except we first need to swim and find the squid... plus, I heard there's merpeople in this lake!" Peter squeaked as he cast the large body of water an apprehensive look.

"And then there's always the chance of the squid eating us..."

"_James_," Remus muttered reproachfully. "Pete, the squid won't eat us."

"That's what you think."

"Can we please just go inside... the teachers will know this was us anyways."

"They won't be able to prove it though," James commented reasonably.

"Exactly, so let's get on with the plan," Sirius grumbled. "We have a lot of stuff to change, so we should start _now_."

"Great, so we need to look out for teachers, Filch, Hagrid (considering he _lives_ out here), the bloody giant squid, possible merpeople—"

"And Grindylows!" James interjected cheerfully.

"Great, so I can be expelled or eaten..." Peter grumbled.

"Sounds good—can we start?"

"Yes, Sirius," Remus chuckled as he dove into the lake. "But remember—we get caught, the plans hidden under my bed do _not_ belong to me," he said when he resurfaced, his teeth chattering.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"_Why_," Professor McGonagall growled, "were the four of you outside in the _lake _after curfew?"

"Better question, why was Filch outs—?"

"Mr. Lupin, I suggest that you should not finish your sentence," she hissed, causing Remus to stop talking at once. "Now, who would like to _try _and answer my question?"

"Well," James started awkwardly causing his three friends' and his Head of House's eyes to snap to his, "we were out there because we wanted to take a swim 'cause it was kind of chilly in the dormitory..."

"Oh, is that so?" she questioned, her eyes narrowed. "So, why does this piece of parchment" (here she held up a sheet with James' slight scribble) "contain a description of how to change colours and bullets on the order of objects — and Hogwarts _wildlife _— to render the appearances...?"

"That's not ours," Peter said stupidly.

"Of course even if I didn't have multiple essays to compare the writing too – which, Mr. Potter, you should know I can find your writing _anywhere – _perhaps, Mr. Pettigrew, that you do not practice _your_ signature on the back of a prank-planning sheet."

"_Peter_," the three of his friends sighed exasperatedly.

"Oops...?"

* * *

_Gryffindor Tower, Fifth Year Boy's Dormitory, 9:15p.m.; 12 January 1976_

"Muggle glue..." Sirius listed, trailing off as he waited for confirmation.

"Check," Remus muttered while he sifted through the various items spread out on the floor.

"Pink, silver, and blue feathers..."

"Check."

"Sparkles..."

"Unfortunately to have in my possession, check."

"Slingshot..."

"Check."

"How many?"

"There's only one," Remus commented before he looked up at Sirius, frowning. "Where did the other one go?"

"I don't know..." he trailed off uncertainly. The two boys were currently in the middle of doing last minute preparations for their newest prank while their two other friends were in detention. "We need another slingshot, if not, they would certainly look at the path it came from," Sirius murmured, trying to think where the other went.

"Let's continue with the list and we'll find out after," Remus said reasonably as he refocused his attention on the contents in front of him.

"Alright... next on the list are the multiple cans of paint..."

"Check... but I really need to question, why this colour?"

"Because it's the worst one I could find..."

"Fair enough," Remus chuckled. "Next?"

"Just our notes on the sticking spells, switching spells, and release spells is written after," Sirius said while he double-checked, just in case.

"Alright, tell me the plan again," Remus muttered as he leaned back to lie down on the floor.

"_Why_?"

"'Because that way _you_ won't forget."

"Fine," Sirius huffed, tossing the notes on the bed. "Starting when James and Pete get back, or tomorrow morning?"

"In the morning."

"Okay... we go down there and sit down in our usual place, wait for an appropriate time to come, in which case we'll signal each other. Pete and you — or one of you, depending if we find that other slingshot — will take some food and shoot it in the direction of the staff table, where everyone will quickly look... giving us approximately thirty seconds to switch every bench and chair to the sticky ones and to release the supplies above every table."

"Exactly," Remus said satisfied. "But we _really _need that other slingshot..."

... ... ... ... ... ...

"_Dammit_, Pete," Sirius grumbled. "You just had to misplace that slingshot—"

"I didn't know we were using _both_ of them," Peter grumbled as he, along with his three friends, trailed behind their Head of House. "Plus, you shouldn't talk... weren't you responsible for placing the paint _everywhere_ above the Gryffindor table?"

"I didn't want to get hit too!"

"It completely gave us away, Sirius," Remus muttered.

"Yeah, if it's a school wide prank, it's kind of obvious if _we_ don't get hit with anything," James huffed as he tried to wipe off some of the sparkles that landed on him where they drifted away slightly from the Hufflepuff table.

"Now _you_ shouldn't talk!" Remus exclaimed, looking incredulously at James. "I _knew _we should've came up with another material to drop—paint on the Gryffindors, sparkles on the Hufflepuffs, glue on the Ravenclaws, feathers on the teachers, and _everything_ on the Slytherins... if that doesn't say biased, I don't know what does."

"Yeah, 'cause you're so much better," Peter muttered with a humourless snort. "Who puts the slingshot with jam remnants right on the table in clear view?"

"Who _hits_ a teacher with jam?" Professor McGonagall questioned lividly, turning around swiftly. The teacher who the four Marauders were the most terrified of (when in trouble) looked quite ridiculous standing in front of them. She had her hands on her hips, the colourful feathers magically stuck to her, a large amount of sparkles stuck to her robes as she had to walk through a path of them, and a jam stain on her hat that was slightly lopsided. "Who would even _plan _a prank that was as disastrous as what had just occurred in the Great Hall? I'll tell you _who_!"

"I think we know who," Sirius grumbled.

"_Mr. Black_," McGonagall hissed threateningly, "I would hold my tongue if I were you."

"Yes, ma'am," he said clearly and quickly.

* * *

_7:10p.m._

"Just get in and get out."

"I think _you_ should do it."

"Just go in there and get him!" Remus said sternly as he tried to hide his laughter.

"Do it, do it," Sirius chanted quietly.

"_Fine_," James huffed and promptly muttered the correct password.

... ... ... ... ... ...

_Hogwarts Castle, Headmaster's Office, 6 minutes later; 12 September 1976_

"Is there a specific reason you would like to share that may explain the attempted bird-napping of my pet phoenix?"

"...'cause he's cool?"

"I believe that is an acceptable reason," Professor Dumbledore commented serenely, his eyes twinkling brightly as he gazed at James over his half-moon glasses. "You should hurry, James... I believe I passed your friends' hiding space in the corridor and I have a shrewd feeling that they are currently wondering what's happening."

"Er, alright... goodbye, Professor," James said awkwardly as he backed away from Fawkes' perch. "Have a nice night..."

"Oh, I will, and you too!"

... ... ... ... ... ...

"Damn, mate," Sirius hissed as he dragged James quickly away from the Gargoyle, "what the hell did he say?"

"Well, we agreed that Fawkes is pretty cool."

"And?" Remus asked worriedly.

"And he told me to have a nice night... weird, hm?"

"Very," Peter mumbled as they continued to walk down the corridor, all of them awed but somehow unsurprised at the fact that James got off, home-free.

"It was kind of stupid for me to tell you to do it though," Remus laughed awkwardly. "So I apologize for that, mate."

"Don't worry—but next time, let's make sure Dumbledore isn't going to be around..."

"...or Filch isn't near," Peter murmured.

"Or Peeves," Remus laughed.

"Or McGonagall," Sirius whispered ominously, causing them all to shiver slightly.

_[Author's Note] __**To those confused about dates, read the last part**__  
I'd just like to say I wrote this chapter on an injured finger... I ended up cutting off part of my nail, cutting into my skin with my razor last night... not fun. And yes, I know this chapter isn't too big, but it was the prompt that I randomly chose, and it's not really one you can do a long thing for._

_Also, to those about holding a chapter for ransom... that's not what I meant. I just meant I really wouldn't be to motivated... it's not too often that I'd prefer typing up some English homework then writing a new chapter—but it does happen._

_Thank you to my awesome reviewers... I had actually put your names and said thank you on the last chapter after I posted it (because I forgot to write it on the original document) and then when I went to go update the chapter, FF was going through an update and it wouldn't let me :/ So, I did say thank you to you guys, but you didn't get to read it._

_I just want to say that one of my favourite quotes in life prompted the second portion. It is: "Sparkles: The Herpes of Crafts." Yes, I know it's sad that it's one of my favourite quotes._

_If you don't know what year of school they're in when you just look at the dates, this is the scheme:  
First Year: 1971-1972  
Second Year: 1972-1973  
Third Year: 1973-1974  
Fourth Year: 1974-1975  
Fifth Year: 1975-1976  
Sixth Year: 1976-1977  
Seventh Year: 1977-1978 _


	7. Versus the Valerian

_[Bolded text succeeding this line is from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter: Grim Defeat]_

**The school talked of nothing but Sirius Black for the next few days. The theories about how he had entered the castle became wilder and wilder; Hannah Abbott, from Hufflepuff, spent much of their next Herbology class telling anyone who'd listen that Black could turn into a flowering shrub.**

"Well that's odd," Lily laughed.

"For one, he doesn't need to turn into a shrub, and two," Remus said snickering, "he'd probably be afraid of him eating himself or something."

"That's not true!"

"Padfoot, we had to shove you into each Herbology class ever since the valerian plant grabbed your arms and tried to swallow your body whole."

"And isn't that a solid reason to be afraid of shrubs!"

"No."

"Well, you're scared of slugs, Prongs."

"Yeah, but they eat _flesh!"_

"And the stupid plant almost ate _me!"_

"But, if it ate you, then you'd be gone. But if a slug were too tear your skin off it'd be painful and consistent!"

"How about you just read, James," Lily interrupted, amused.

"Fine, but Padfoot, don't think you won this."

* * *

_Hogwarts Grounds, Greenhouse Three, 2:09p.m.; 18 February 1977_

"Padfoot."

"_Padfoot_."

"Padfoot!" Remus hissed as he hit Sirius in the arm violently.

"_Ow_," he moaned dramatically, crossing his arms in the process. "What the hell was that for you stupid twit?"

"Well, if you were paying attention to us, and _not_ Kayleen, then you would have noticed Prongs and I have been trying to get your attention for five and a half minutes!"

"Almost six minutes—what if one of us was in trouble?" James whined, smirking.

"Well, _sorry_," Sirius huffed jokingly as he drew out the word. "I didn't realize I had to be your knight in shining armour!"

"Well, you do—there's a lot of scary shit in this greenhouse," James chortled. "What if something attacked me and Remus was busy trying to get your attention?"

"Then you would have been screwed."

"Thanks for the sympathetic thoughts, Moony," James said sarcastically. "And you could wipe that smirk off your face, you know—it's not as if you're actually kidding around."

"Yeah, why would I do that?"

"'Cause you're a sneaky son of a bitch," Sirius commented quite plainly.

"I know I am," Remus laughed, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Now, back to the reason you two asses were trying to get my attention...?"

"Because we have to start working..." Remus trailed off, realizing they were still standing in the same place while everyone else in their class had started to work.

"That'd be a good idea, huh?"

"Just a little," Sirius muttered as he pulled on his dragon-hide gloves. "So, do you blokes have any idea what we're supposed to be doing today?"

"Nope."

"Nada."

"Well, that's always helpful," he laughed. "Prongs, go over there and ask Evans—you guys are getting on slightly better."

"And show that I haven't been paying attention in class?" James asked incredulously. "No bloody way," he stated plainly.

"Awh, c'mon!"

"_No_," he said firmly. "I'm not about to blow the little progress I've made with Lily just because I was trying to get your eyes off of Kayleen."

"Okay, how about this," Remus interrupted, laughing. "We look at the blackboard on the wall telling us the page to turn to in our textbook? And another option is to _look _at what people are doing around us."

"You're a genius, Moony!" James exclaimed as he blushed slightly, glancing around.

"What the hell are those?" Sirius questioned, laughing, as he examined the _thing_ in the middle of the group beside them.

"No idea," James muttered as he extracted his textbook from his bag. Once he turned to the correct page, he read the heading: "_Snargaluff Stumps."_

"And what the hell is a Snagal— Snargluff— no, wait what was it called?"

"_This_," Remus announced as he put a rugged looking stump on the table in front of them, "is a Snargaluff Stump."

"When did you get that?" Sirius questioned, clearly amazed.

"Just now?" Remus said uncertainly.

"Huh... didn't even know you left..."

"Thanks for the concern mate."

"What, it's not like you were going to be ambushed or something."

"_Anyways," _James hastily cut in, noticing the Professor advancing closer to their table. "We should get started—it says here that we need to get the pods out."

"Alright, it should be easy anyways," Sirius muttered as he went to grab the plant.

"No, wait, you idiot!" James snapped as he pulled Sirius' arm back just as a long, spiky vine was about to grab it.

"Maybe you should've read the warnings and protective gear you need, mate," Remus chuckled as he was looking at the textbook. "You have your gloves on—but you should also put on your goggles, roll down your sleeves, and if you're a girl, put back your hair... but your hair is long enough to be considered in the category of 'putting back.'"

"Oh, that's nice," he said sarcastically as he put on his goggles. "But I am _not_ putting my hair back."

"Tuck it in your shirt then," James chuckled.

"_No_."

"Then we'll do it for you," Remus muttered as both he and James lunged for Sirius.

"There," James said, satisfied, as he pulled back. "Now, you two grab this stupid plant, and I'll get the pod."

"No, you hold the plant, and _I'll _grab it," Sirius huffed as he tried to get his hair out of his shirt. "I don't want to have to touch the outside of it—it doesn't look to nice to grab."

"Fine," Remus laughed as he got ready to attack the plant.

"Okay, on the count of three?"

"Yeah."

"One..." Sirius muttered.

"Two..." James said apprehensively.

"Three," Remus said breathlessly as he lunged at the plant right away with James following a millisecond after him.

"Get it!" Sirius cheered as he tried to manoeuvre his arm near the hole.

James ducked a swinging vine just in time and had to duck again right away as it came back quickly. Two vines started to lunge at Remus' arms, disarming his movements as he tried to hold them together. Sirius meanwhile was continuously trying to get his arm into the hole that opened and closed as the vines moved. Just two other groups in the class had retrieved a pod, and one of them was onto their second. Only seconds later, James was able to hold three of the sharp vines down when they all swept towards him at once. At the same time, Remus was grasping onto one of them and trying to grab the last one, sufficiently distracting it to allow Sirius access into the hole. At the shock of the hole closing around Sirius' arm, both James and Remus simultaneously let the vines go. Seconds later, they knew they made the wrong decision.

"_Shit_," James hissed as Sirius started to swear very loudly. "Just—just stay still!"

"I'm not—shit!—going to bloody stay—Merlin's dirtiest orifice!—bloody still!" he exclaimed throughout multiple swears. The vines started to attack his detained arm while the other furiously tried to swipe the attacking vines away.

"I'll get Profes—wait, where the hell did she go?" Remus asked frantically as he looked around the room, noticing everyone looking at their group — some laughing, some terrified — and yet the Professor wasn't anywhere in sight.

"She's – outside – of the – greenhouse – 'cause Robertson – was an – idiot – again," Kayleen explained in between her hysterical laughter which wasn't much better in compared to Victoria's and Lily's.

"GET THIS BLOODY THING OFF OF ME!" Sirius bellowed as started to swing his arm around with the stump still attached while James started to try and cease Sirius' movement.

"Padfoot, stop and calm down!" he demanded seriously, though a laugh escaped his lips despite the effort to contain it.

"I'm going to get Professor Neming," Remus muttered as he tore out of the door to the greenhouse.

"Sirius, seriously, stay calm, and stop _moving_!" James yelled as he watched Sirius barely miss a table as he was frantically moving backwards.

"Black!" Kayleen exclaimed as he ran into a wall, and promptly started to hit the stump on the wall in effort to get it off.

"Mr. Black!" Neming exclaimed as she rushed into the door with Remus right behind her. "Wait—no, Mr. Black! Stop! Wait!"

Just as Sirius was stumbling backwards, still in attempt to shake off the Snargaluff Stump, he broke a glass cover in the back of the greenhouse. The large black stem that was being contained by the glass looked as if it reared backwards and plunged its tip – that too all of the student's surprise, appeared to be a gaping hole – down onto Sirius' head, causing him to shriek out in surprise.

"Sirius!" James and Remus exclaimed as they rushed towards him while their Professor did the same thing, yelling "Mr. Black!"

The two boys arrived at their flailing friend's lower body and tried to pull off the plant with as much strength as they could muster. Their Professor, however, just took out her wand swiftly, flicked her wrist and said "_Relashio_."

The large plant immediately let Sirius go and froze on the ground once Neming used two stunning charms in quick succession in order to knock the seven foot plant out. Sirius was sitting on the ground, shaking, with his whole upper body doused in yellowish goo. Thankfully, the Snargaluff Stump came off when the larger plant tried to consume Sirius, though it left red marks along his arm where his sleeves rose.

"You okay, mate?" Remus questioned hesitantly as Sirius looked as if he were about to pass out – which is what he did three seconds later after noticing the plant on the ground beside him.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"What happened, exactly?" questioned Peter, who had a break that period, having not taken Herbology, as Madam Pomfrey pulled the sheets up to cover Sirius' torso.

"Well... we were retrieving Snargaluff pods—"

"They're from evil little buggers that consume your arm," Remus interjected as Peter was already looking lost.

"Oh, okay... continue, then," he chuckled.

"Well, we kind of let go of the vines that apparently keep the hole open," James commented sheepishly. "And then he took off, going all crazy."

"And then in the end, he ended being consumed by a Valerian plant," Remus finished dramatically, laughing at the thought of it. "Professor Neming told us what it was afterwards when we brought him up here—"

"It was pretty funny because underneath the concern for her student, I think she actually thought it was entertaining to see Sirius almost getting mauled by two different plants at once," James chuckled as he remembered their Professor's face when they brought an unconscious Sirius to the hospital wing.

"_Not funny_," Sirius grumbled as he rolled to the side, facing his friends. "All your bloody fault—both of you."

"Sorry, Padfoot," Remus and James both mumbled abashedly.

"But look at the bright side—the best way to confront your fears is to face them head on... and you have a double period tomorrow!" Peter exclaimed cheerfully. "Right? Right...?"

"I think he fainted again."

_[Author's Note]  
Ahaha, this one was written on a whim. And in only an hour. :) I actually really liked this one, and I had no clue where I was going with it when I started... it was fun to write and I didn't really even have to edit it—just a few grammar mistakes. I can't remember when I updated last, I think it was on the weekend, but I was bored so I just wrote one. _

_Anyways, review please, and thank you to all you awesome reviewers:)_


	8. Why Hello There Mr Squid

_[Bolded text succeeding this line is from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter: The Journey From Platform Nine and Three Quarters]_

**And the fleet of little boats moved off all at once, gliding across the lake, which was as smooth as glass. Everyone was silent, staring up at the great castle overhead. It towered over them as they sailed nearer and nearer to the cliff on which it stood. **

"**Heads down!" **

"Yeah, Padfoot. Heads down!" James laughed

"Shush you! I was too busy to hear him say that."

"Padfoot," Remus said exasperated, "you were standing up trying to see the giant squid!"

"Well, I found him, didn't I?"

"Not the way you wanted to though," Remus said laughing along with James.

* * *

_Hogsmeade Station, The Black Lake, 5:47p.m.; 1 September 1971_

"Firs' years follow me!" Hagrid, the large man, bellowed as he started to walk down a steep path enclosed by multiple trees. Everybody walked forwards, slightly apprehensive, but couldn't wait to receive their first glimpse of Hogwarts.

"This'll be so cool," Sirius whispered excitedly, and James couldn't help but to agree, though he just nodded his head. "I can't wait to be Gryffindor."

"Same here," James muttered, desperately hoping they both would end up in the house of the brave, though he worried that Sirius wouldn't get in because of his family's reputation.

"Jus' round this bend then!" Hagrid's loud voice came from the front of the pack. "Yeh'll see Hogwarts inna 'mo."

Sirius and James heard everyone else "Oooh" before they saw the massive castle across a large lake, and then promptly joined in with the noise, both never seeing Hogwarts in person before.

"Four ter a boat!" Hagrid said loudly, gesturing to the multiple boats on the shore of the lake. "C'mon, hurry i'up! They're waitin' fer us up at the castle!"

James and Sirius climbed into a boat that was on the end of the row, and neither of them sat down. They both were looking out onto the surface of the lake, and unlike everyone else who were either hiding their heads from fright or still looking at the brilliant silhouette the school was casting, the two boys were discussing the case of the giant squid.

"My dad said he used to ride him," James said as he attempted to squint through the darkness. "And mum says my dad is delusional, because he didn't want to go near him... I don't actually know if they're lying about the fact that there _is _a giant squid."

"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure there is 'cause—" Sirius started, but then he spotted a boy standing on the land still, along with many more people. "Oi! You, Raymud!"

"Who the hell is Raymud?" James questioned, glancing over at Sirius.

"The kid who sat with us eventually... the shy guy who ate chocolate the size of my head!"

"Ohh!" he exclaimed, laughing. "You mean Re_mus_, you dolt!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever... maybe you should call him over," Sirius said, turning his attention back to the lake. "I have better eyesight then you so I could try and locate this squid, and I don't really think he likes me all that much."

"Well considering you told him he looks like if someone poked him, he'd fall apart," James muttered, rolling his eyes. "OI! REMUS!" After successfully getting his attention, James gestured wildly, indicating him to join them. First he pointed at Remus, made a gathering motion, pointed at himself and Sirius, and then pointed with both of his hands down at the boat.

Remus shrugged helplessly, knowing the crowd of first years was thinning and he had to get into a boat no matter what. He walked over to the boat and sat down carefully, peering curiously up at Sirius who was leaning over the side of the boat.

"Maybe you guys should sit down...?"

"Nah—we're busy trying to find the squid, Raylord."

"It's Remus," he said quietly, placing his hands on either side of the boat in an attempt to steady it.

"Yeah, sorry Remmy."

"_Rem_—"

"I know it's Remus, but I feel as if Remmy sounds so much cooler," Sirius interrupted, sparing him a glance. "Now, if you don't mind, I really want to find this squid."

"You do know you have seven years to find the squid, right?"

"Yeah, but we want to see him _now_," James answered while he removed his glasses, cleaned them, and put them back on. "Where is that blasted thing..."

"Is there _actually_ a giant squid in here?"

"We think so—that's what my mum and dad said," James answered. "There's no more of us on the shore—looks like we don't have a full boat."

"What if he" Remus pointed at Hagrid who was taking a head count "is coming in this boat—I don't think it'll be big enough," he said nervously, looking at the small amount of space left.

"That's Hagrid, and I don't think he'd hitch in this small of a boat _alone_," James chuckled. Turning his attention to the shore, he spotted an empty boat. "Look, over there... that boat I'm guessing is for him."

"Oh," Remus answered, thinking it was stupid that he even decided to say what he did, "right."

"Alrigh', we're ready fer the off!"

The boats jerked forwards suddenly, and Remus found James and Sirius on top of him.

"Er, sorry there," James said thickly as he and Sirius hurriedly got off of him. "Wasn't quite expecting _that_."

"S'okay, don't worry 'bout it," Remus answered, surreptitiously rubbing his collar bone where James' head crashed into as that spot also contained a fairly large gash from his previous full moon. "Maybe I can help you guys find the squid—if there even is one."

"Do you have good eye sight?" Sirius asked excitedly, teetering in the boat as he decided to stand up again. "Whip out those eyes and look, man!" he yelled, drawing some confused glances from other first years in the boats surrounding them as everyone else was silent.

"Okay, okay," he muttered as he peered out across the lake.

"Well...? Anything?"

"No, not yet—how we're going to see anything in this lightening though is beyond me."

Remus stood up along with the other two boys, all three of them gazing in different directions and holding onto their sides of the boat to prevent falling into the cold water.

"Maybe he's not usually out this far..." Remus supplied after five minutes of nothing.

"Yeah, maybe..." James said uncertainly, sighing as he looked around to the front of the boat where he could see the cliff become larger and larger, and the castle that was standing on top of it became even more brilliant to look at. "Well it should only be a few more minutes until we get there... we'll just have to look for him after."

"I guess so," Sirius said sadly, though none of them sat down.

"Wait..." Remus murmured as he squinted his eyes and leaned further over the boat, still maintaining a firm grip with his feet. "I think I see something over there..."

"Where?" both Sirius and James squeaked excitedly, making their way over to Remus' side, causing the boat to lean dangerously close to the water.

"It's just over to the right... look near the base of the cliff!"

"I don't really see anything," James commented, tilting his head as he furrowed his brow.

"No, no, I think I see it!" Sirius said, positively grinning. They all stood up straight and moved to the center of the boat, Sirius clearly the tallest. "I want to pet it!" he announced, beaming at the two other boys.

"Really now?" James asked, amused. "And how do you propose you're going to do that? We can't control these boats."

"Swim," he replied matter-of-factly.

"_Swim_," Remus repeated in shock. "This is _Scotland_, and it's very _cold_... you'll catch a cold or something!"

"...So?"

"So?" Remus repeated once again, sighing as he sat down. "Do you _want_ to be sick for your first week at school?"

"Well, now that you put it that way..." he said, pondering. "Yeah, because then I won't have to do work!"

"You're impossible," Remus muttered, rolling his eyes. "I couldn't get in a boat with _normal_ people. No, I had to go in one with two people who want to find a squid to _pet _it."

"I don't want to pet it—I want to ride it, just like dad said he did," James chuckled, still trying to see the squid. They were about thirty seconds away from being under it, and he wanted a glimpse soon.

"Oh yeah, 'cause that's so much better," Remus muttered, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Heads down!" Hagrid bellowed, looking in the direction of their boat, as two of them were still standing up.

Remus hurriedly pulled James down as he was standing right beside him but Sirius was too far away for Remus to do anything except yell "DUCK!" where Sirius just replied with "SQUID!" as he saw it clearly in the water.

_Whack_.

The cliff hit Sirius' shoulders the most and it sent him flying into the lake, causing both James and Remus to stick their heads over the side of the boat causing the curtain of ivy to brush over the top of their heads. Suddenly they heard splashing noises that ended up coming from Sirius' swimming and loud, indistinguishable noises from Hagrid.

"Sirius!" James gasped as he saw his friend's head pop out of the water beside the boat. "Turn around!"

"Wh-what?" he asked, his teeth chattering, where James and Remus could only see the outline of his head from the lights on the boats as they were in a dark tunnel.

"The- the squid," Remus gulped, not even noticing the boats somehow stopped in the middle of the wide tunnel. "Ri-right behind y-you."

Sirius whipped around in the water only to see two long tentacles breaking the surface of the water as they got closer to his body.

"That's not good," he mumbled wide-eyed, all thoughts of petting it gone, and he started to furiously swim backwards in an attempt to get away from it.

"Stay still!" Hagrid said loudly, and Remus turned to see him, still in a boat, beside theirs. "I'm comin'!"

"Stay still?" James asked faintly, not believing for a moment if he was in Sirius' position that he would _stay still_. Hagrid's boat took off after Sirius' retreating figure, and the other boats started to follow, still containing the now noisy students.

"I think that boy is being chased by a monster!" one girl squeaked.

"I think this is just a show—he's probably a teacher with magic applied to look young," a pompous boy said as he pursed his lips. "Quite stupid, I think."

"That's _Sirius Black_, I think," one girl said. "I saw him on the train—he's a pureblood, and friends with my family."

"Yes, I think it is Sirius," a boy named Mulciber said. "His mother and father will be ashamed of this—making a large scene before he's even sorted into Slytherin. What a shame."

Meanwhile Sirius was still trying to get away from the squid with little luck. The squid's tentacles grabbed him and pulled him back and allowed its head to break the water's surface. The tentacles turned Sirius to face it, his facial expression was one of terror, and let him go. Sirius was so surprised he just stayed in the same place, treading water as he tried to catch his breath. A tentacle poked his forehead, and when he still did nothing, the same tentacle and an additional one poked both of his shoulders.

"Alrigh'!" Hagrid said as he got close enough to Sirius. "C'mon, jus' swim on o'er here to my boat, lad."

Sirius ignored Hagrid's request and tentatively raised a hand to touch the tentacle that was resting on top of the water. He took a nervous gulp of air and pet the tentacle, making it shiver slightly.

"Awh, you aren't scary, are you?" he asked, chuckling at his own ignorance and reached his hand to pet the squid's head. He had a sudden mischievous thought, and ignoring Hagrid's pleads to go to the boat, he muttered to the squid excitedly, "Mind if I hitch a ride?"

The squid made no movement of opposition, so Sirius swam around and sat on top of him. "Onwards my friend!" he exclaimed, laughing as he looked at James' shocked, jealous, and admiring face. The squid took off, and Hagrid allowed the boats to go forwards, already knowing that he wouldn't be able to get the boy to listen to him.

"That stupid arse," James grumbled, throwing himself onto his seat. "The least he could've done was directed it to come over here and give us all a ride."

"No, I think I would've passed that offer up, I'm afraid," Remus chuckled slightly, glancing over at Sirius' figure floating away.

"Well then, the least he could've done was give _me_ a ride on the damn squid."

"Yeah, he could've," Remus laughed as he shook his head. After another minute of travelling down the dark tunnel, the boats arrived at an underground harbour only to find Sirius standing there grinning madly but very wet.

"I can't believe that," James said as he and Remus clambered out of the boat hurriedly and racing to Sirius.

"That was pretty cool, wasn't it," he said, grinning cockily.

"Why the hell didn't you come and get me?"

"Er, sorry mate—I wasn't exactly thinking much at that moment," he said awkwardly, but the sincerity was there, and James' accepted it.

"Alright, fine... you're forgiven," he said, sighing. "But next time, you better get me."

"Alright," he chuckled.

"But seriously, that was bloody amazing!"

"Thanks," Sirius said as Hagrid approached them.

"Once we ge' up to the castle, we'll ge' Professor McGonagall tuh dry you off."

"Alright—and sorry about that... but it was pretty cool, and I couldn't pass up that opportunity," Sirius said, rubbing his shoulder.

"S'alright," Hagrid chuckled. "Jus' don't do it again, you gettit?"

"Yes, sir," he laughed.

"Alrigh' then!" Hagrid announced. "Follow me!"

All of the first years followed him up a passageway carved through the rock to come up on level surface where the ground was covered in grass and shadows from the castle. They walked up a long flight of stone steps only to come face with a large oak door leading into the school.

"Everyone ready?" Hagrid asked, and though no one answered, he knocked on the door. It opened to reveal a formidable woman with black hair dressed in a set of deep red robes.

"You may leave now, Hagrid—I have them now, thank you."

"O'course, Professor," he answered. He turned around quickly though and said to her, "Tha' lad there was in the water though..."

She peered sternly at Sirius and gave her thanks to Hagrid.

"Come here, Mr. Black," she said, her eyes darting to James who was standing beside him.

"How do you know my name," he questioned nervously as he walked up to her, still soaking wet.

"It is a Professor's duty to know the names of her students," she answered as she quickly performed a drying charm, "and as I teach Transfiguration to everyone, I must know your names."

"Oh," he said, taking a nervous breath.

"Now, would you like to explain to me what you were doing in the Black Lake?" she questioned, her lips pursed.

"I rode the squid."

Her lips became less thinned as she thought about Charlus Potter riding the squid. "Right, well, follow me then," she announced, turning around to walk across the entrance hall.

"So, did my dad _actually _ride the squid?" James questioned quietly as he walked beside Professor McGonagall where everyone else stayed back a bit.

Her mouth twitched as she opened the door to a small anti-chamber, and she muttered quietly, "More times than I can count... now go into the room, James."

James then strode into the room grinning and waited until Sirius and Remus joined him.

"What was that about?" Sirius questioned.

"Nothing... nothing," he answered as he chuckled, then he shut his mouth as soon as Professor McGonagall started to speak.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"What are you doing?" James whispered half way through Professor Dumbledore's speech.

"I think I have a dead fish in my shirt," Sirius whispered as he wriggled around in his seat. After a few more attempts to remove it, he finally pulled it out, thrusted it into the air and exclaimed much louder then he wanted to, "YES! It's finally out!"

"I don't know you," Remus muttered after burying his face in his hands as James started howled with laughter.


End file.
